Friday, January 13, 2012

Not-So-Glamorous Moments in Boston Burlesque

Chapped nipples, flying shoes, forgotten pasties, coworkers in the audience…you name it, we’ve experienced it!  Burlesque queens may be known for our glamour, poise, and grace, but there are also those moments when we fall flat on our asses…literally. Some of Boston’s reigning burlesque queens share their weirdest burlesque injuries and embarrassing moments:

Femme Brulée's memorable cake incident!
“I skinned my knee from diving into a giant cake and the table collapsed underneath me. Then there was that time I forgot to put my pasties on and remembered one minute before going onstage, while inside a giant egg and nowhere near the dressing room. Oops!” – Femme Brulée

Getting glitter in my eyes and tearing up the skin on my face, when showering right after doing a piece and not washing my face ahead of time.  I learned that night never to use the large flake craft glitter.  Only medium grain for me now -- fine is too subtle, large is too painful to remove.” – Johnny Blazes

 “I got a 6-inch gouge (read: angry fat bloody scrape) the length of my thigh, procured from brushing my leg with my foot after buckling on my bejeweled, glittering heels backstage.  Le sigh.” – UnAmerika’s Sweetheart Karin Webb

“We were rehearsing for the finale of Slumber Party Seance and Polly Surely was standing behind me. She removed my bra, and when she went to throw it over my head, somehow it got caught on her ponytail and my glasses. We were stuck together through to the end of the routine.” – Allix Mortis  (Polly Surely says about this incident, “I laughed ‘til I cried.”)

“I was walking up the stairs to the stage, tripped and did a face plant, right before my act. The worst part was trying to pretend it didn’t hurt.” – Lolli Hoops

After my run as “The Suffolkator” in The Quest for the Golden Pasties (where I was a villain who suffocated person after person with my breasts), I actually had bruises on my chest bone from performers’ foreheads! And once, I lost BOTH pasties in front of a sold-out crowd at the Coolidge and didn’t even know it. I strutted off stage to thunderous applause – clueless as to why until I got offstage and saw two pasties sitting in the spotlight.” – Dixie Douya

“During one Slutcracker performance there was an unintentional pause in the music of about 30-40 seconds. Total silence. The few of us on stage had to figure out whether to keep dancing/miming or just wait a little longer... thankfully it resolved itself and we pushed onward.” – Malice in Wonderland 

And the most cited injury of all? Sore and painful nipples from excessive use of spirit gum and pastie tape! This was often repeated as the one downside to the fabulousness that is tassel twirling.

Remember, the next time you see these dames in all their glory, they may be covering up bruised knees…or bruised egos!

Watch Femme Brulée's most memorable moment:

Are you a performer? What’s your weirdest injury or moment onstage?


  1. Replies
    1. Thanks Alli! Just to clarify, while that table collapse was definitely unplanned, it was probably the best thing that ever happened to me on stage, and I'm sad that I'll probably never be able to recreate it!

    2. that was unplanned?! Someone sent me the video earlier this week and I was totally in awe of the epic craziness after your pastie reveal. (I keep saying epic b/c it is).

    3. Aww, thanks! Yeah, the table was not supposed to collapse! I'm doing this number again soon, and I'm hoping this happy accident will happen again!

    4. I totally thought it was supposed to happy...sometimes fate just steps in and makes a good thing better :)

  2. Yup, so many great performance related injuries! i fell off a log / stage step, in the pouring rain, at an outdoor performance in canada that the Bitches of Destiny were performing at. Resulted in a MASSIVE contusion on my butt that stayed for months. sexy, right?